Animal Envy Read online

  They all knew the problem under which their ancestors have been smarting and hurting from forever: Humans think we animals are terminally dull, stupid, and only survive through instinct programmed by our DNA. They ignore our brains, sensory perceptions, and reliance on feedback to guide our actions, not to mention our complex social organizations. How could such facts be brought up without offending humans? The challenge was what to do about the animal transmission’s waning credibility.

  The Owl suggested simply citing the latest research by humans about the intelligence of dogs, dolphins, octopi, spiders, and others. They could quote the human scientists who have made these “discoveries.”

  “What would be most valuable is if our messages prompted scientists and the ecologists to go on their mass media and spread the word,” declared the Elephant. “We must carefully choose this lineup,” she went on. “It’s a make or break decision for our entire TALKOUT and the beneficial follow-ups we envision.”

  The Owl was chosen to make this reorientation to humans immediately following the recess.

  The TALKOUT Turns Scientific

  “Oh, humans, we have learned that some of you are expressing doubts as to the authenticity of our observations, which do not fit with your image of us as being restricted to vocal outcries such as roars, chirps, cackles, hisses, and other subhuman sounds. Those among you who have studied us know that such images are inaccurate. The more you know about us, the more you discover that we have multiple intelligences and special attractants defined by our need to survive and reproduce that are quite astonishing. To us, intelligence, which includes the ability to size up situations, receive a combination of sensory signals, and react accordingly, is something that you have not recognized because it is beyond your multiple-choice standardized test measures.

  “Modesty prevents me from recounting your findings about the owl species: its eyesight, sonar, accuracy in rapting, and the like. But consider your own scientists’ reports: elephants remember, magpies grieve for their dead, crows train their offspring to make tools, and otters teach their little ones how to dive for fish. Here are the words of one of your science writers.

  Scientific research shows that many animals are very intelligent and have sensory and motor abilities that dwarf ours. Dogs are able to detect diseases such as cancer and diabetes and warn humans of impending heart attacks and strokes. Elephants, whales, hippopotamuses, giraffes, and alligators use low-frequency sounds to communicate over long distances, often miles; and bats, dolphins, whales, frogs, and various rodents use high-frequency sounds to find food, communicate with others, and navigate.

  Many animals also display wide-ranging emotions, including joy, happiness, empathy, compassion, grief, and even resentment and embarrassment. It’s not surprising that animals—especially, but not only, mammals—share many emotions with us because we also share brain structures—located in the limbic system—that are the seat of our emotions. In many ways, human emotions are the gifts of our animal ancestors.

  Finishing the quote, the Owl returned to her own point. “We are not inclined to simply cite your secondary sources, how-ever empirically precise they are. There are many in the animal kingdom who want to tell you their own stories to illustrate that their intelligence is not some DNA-imprinted ‘instinct’ producing automatic conditioned responses. Admittedly, before we heard the murmurs of doubt, we did not expect to assume this burden. There are so many other reasons for understanding us that would be to your own benefit. But I cannot avoid quoting your eminent philosopher, Jeremy Bentham, for another dimension in our opening pleas for understanding. In 1789 he wrote:

  The day may come, when the rest of the animal creation may acquire those rights which never could have been withholden from them but by the hand of tyranny . . . [T]he question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?

  “Sentiments like this led to the early animal protection laws in Europe during the next century, at least for the domesticates.

  “Now let us start with the testimony of our friend, the brown squirrel.”

  “Thank you, Owl, and good day to you humans. I cohabitate around with you, sometimes, to your irritation, even inside the walls and attics of your homes.

  “You probably think of me as an impulsive, jumpy animal flitting from one tree to another and across lawns and sidewalks and roads with no seeming purpose. Oh, how I wish that were so. Instead, we squirrels live lives of nonstop fear and want. At any time cats can dart out of nowhere to mangle us or our young ones. Cars can squash us. Disease can claim us. Hunters, including teenagers, can shoot us. For weeks at a time we are near starvation, in a weakened state that hawks seem to sense from on high. Our nests must be carefully selected, not just to protect our little ones from predators, and secure them from falling out, but to protect them from storms, winds, and humans chopping down branches and trees.

  “And that’s not the only threat. The other day a man scooped up precious fallen acorns. He does this every day before we can get at them for our meal and storage for the winter months.

  “We live in terror of our surroundings; yet we survive because more often than not we make the right little and big decisions. We can detect which acorns will last to winter and which ones have to be eaten soon. That is not ‘instinct,’ that is squirrel intelligence.

  “I challenge you to swing from tree to tree, sometimes on thin branches, and have our record of perfect leaps many feet above the ground or road. We can judge space, weight on the branch or twig, timing, moisture, and many other what you call variables. Have you ever seen us miss and fall? We see you fall often with your feet on the ground. And nobody wishes to eat you. We watch you all the time. We have to.

  “Sometimes we start building our nest high in a hollow of a dead tree with its tall trunk still standing. Halfway done, we see that this was not a safe or convenient choice. We stop and select another site. That is not instinct. That is intelligence, which, as you study us, you’ll be able to explain better than I can now because you have another kind of intelligence. Raising our families is no small matter of impulses. We have to process an enormous amount of information quickly and react quickly, apart from escaping immediate pursuit of predators such as rattlesnakes whose own scented, shedded skins we lick and absorb to evade them. My time is up. Thanks for listening.”

  Next up was the Elephant carrying on her massive shoulders the long burden of her species as beasts of burden, circus performers, and victims of poachers for their ivory tusks, leaving thousands of dead elephants rotting under the tropical sun, with others facing extinction unless park rangers can protect them. The Elephant knew she had to leave such strong and painful feelings aside since she was there to lance the boil of human ignorance regarding animal intelligence. She had to tell stories.

  “The story of Babyl has been confirmed by elephant researcher Iain Douglas-Hamilton. Deep in the Samburu National Reserve in northern Kenya was this young female, Babyl, who had a partially disabled walking gait that slowed her down, a condition she had for years. The elephants in the herd never abandoned her. They would stop and look around to see where she was lagging behind. Often the herd matriarch would feed Babyl. The herd made sure Babyl would not become dinner for the lions. What did the herd have to gain from always waiting for Babyl? Nothing but a sense of empathy and inclusiveness.

  “Then there was the meeting of two female elephants, Shirley and Jenny, who were reunited after being separated for twenty-two years and suffering abuse in the entertainment industry. Arriving at an elephant sanctuary in Hohenwald, Tennessee, they remembered when they were together long ago and roared at each other and pressed to remain next to one another. Shirley was over twenty years older than Jenny, a calf at the circus when they met.”

  Touched by these stories, millions of humans Googled for other elephant stories by their handlers and researchers, and were rewarded with pages of how intelligent these animals have been.

  It should be clarified th
at the Human Genius had helpfully provided the animals with apps that allowed them to access the vast knowledge acquired by humans over the millennia concerning the animal kingdom. A huge rate of absorption across the entire range of human information crossed species after species, going even to the insect level. This “epistemological windfall” was immediately reflected in the ensuing callouts.

  Prime Primate Time

  Now the first primate stepped up. It was a bonobo. These monkeys belong to a separate and distinct species that genetically is as closely related to humans as chimpanzees. A buzz of anticipation skittered through the animal kingdom. If anyone can persuade humans of animal intelligence, it has to be the primates, some were saying. But others were asking, why the bonobo when it could be the chimp, baboon, the orangutan, a rhesus monkey, the majestic gorilla, or the great ape, all of whom have been studied by the likes of Jane Goodall and many of her colleagues?

  The Owl and the Elephant knew why they wanted the bonobo first. It was good public relations because the bonobos are more peaceful than most other apes, are female dominated, share food and resolve conflicts peaceably, and let off steam with an intense sex life that makes their primate cousins seem prudish. By contrast, Goodall’s work with chimps shows that among them there is a constant occurrence of murders, cannibalism, and organized group wars.

  The bonobo spoke: “Humans, when you see us in nature films, you make much fun of us. But, if you really studied us, we could teach you how to make peace, how we practice community, equality, and are cooperative in raising our progeny.

  “We primates are very different from one another and that is so even within a species or subspecies. Take savanna baboons in Africa. They are not pacifists like us. Their male rankings come from who kills who in matches. Moody males often strike out at innocent, weaker members of the troop. But under stresses such as deadly epidemics, these baboons have been known to change their aggressive ways, moderating and becoming more cooperative and congenial with each other.

  “That shows we are not controlled by instinct but shift behavior depending on circumstances. Your own eminent behavioral scientist Robert Sapolsky writes that we apes have a ‘culture’ consisting of ‘local behavioral variations, occurring for nongenetic and nonecological reasons, that last beyond the time of their originators . . . [they are] multigenerational.’ Chimpanzees do special dances during thunderstorms and strong gusts of wind. Gorillas hold wakes for their dead.

  “In connection to this last point, recent research has astonished humans when they discovered that primates respond with protective mourning in relation to the corpse of a band member or an infant, even against their own safety interests.

  “An article in Eureka made the telling point: Among a group of bonobos, Mimi, the group’s alpha female, stood guard over the dead Lipopo’s body. When the caretakers tried to push the corpse out of the enclosure with long poles, Mimi fought them, viciously. She grabbed the poles with both hands, wrenching them away from Lipopo. She called to other bonobos, who helped her fend off the humans from both sides. Even when the vet arrived with a tranquilizer gun, Mimi stood her ground, her mouth open wide in a scream that’s inaudible in the silent film that records this behavior. Mimi was willing to risk an encounter with a gun to protect the body of a mere acquaintance. ‘That’s why I started to cry,’ Hare, the author of the article, said. ‘I don’t know why she did it.’

  “‘The results of primate-behavior studies can be humbling for humans because they often call into question our anthropocentric view of the world,’ the writer concluded.”

  “We never knew that,” said, in essence, millions of human viewers to one another, not a few of them moist in the eyes. The TRIAD felt the message was getting through.

  The bonobo continued, “In the equatorial jungles, we have so many decisions to make day in and day out that if made wrongly would mean our end. Still, we have our limits. Our larger primates have never learned to adjust to being turned into bush meat by human carnivores. Because you didn’t know enough about us, our cousins transmitted to you the deadly AIDS virus. Is there any greater evidence as to how our fate and your fate are tied together?

  “Remember the essence of your discoveries about the animal kingdom, whether by animal scientists, anthropologists, or caretakers: the more you learn about us, the more intelligent we become to you. There is humility in that expanding observation, is there not?”

  Millions of humans began to murmur in agreement, reflecting their own experience. At Harvard University, Howard Gardner was smiling. His groundbreaking book Multiple Intelligences tore apart the arrogance behind the standardized, multiple-choice tests given students. Now he heard the bonobo talk about the “multiple intelligences” of the primate animal kingdom. His tweet affirming this reality assured many thousands of his Twitter followers around the world.

  A whale had more to say on the cultural system of animals. “Humans, according to your own research on us and on monkeys, you have come to the conclusion that many mammals, at least, learn from one another. The journal Science reports that wild South African monkeys changed foods because of peer pressure in a controlled study. While we whales, facing a reduction in the amount of small fishes, learned by the actions of an innovator whale who smacked the ocean loudly with its tail, to make a big noise and a great splash before blowing bubbles to corral small fish such as herring that we whales savor. The thump brings the fish closer to the surface. So we whales, like monkeys, learn by imitating, just like you humans have done for a long time.”

  Underwater Examples of Intelligence

  Not to use his position on the TRIAD for his own advantage, but the Dolphin couldn’t help but notice that this talk about the cultures of apes and whales made him think of the culture of his own species.

  The bottlenose dolphin decided to seize the moment and reveal the latest findings made in Shark Bay, Australia, by Georgetown University marine scientists, which was that the traits of “inclusive inheritability” and culture are not exclusive to humans. They found that these dolphins bond over their use of tools and share their knowledge only with a small circle, which humans would call cliques, and pass it on to their progeny. This is learned behavior, not innate instinct. It all started with the scientists noticing “sponging Eve,” a dolphin that scraped her nose while searching for food in rough sand. She did not like this, so she broke off a piece of sea sponge to protect her beak, a skill she only taught her children. Twenty years later, knowledge of this sea sponge tool did not spread among the whole dolphin population in the area. There were thirty-six spongers and sixty-nine non-spongers over a twenty-two-year period. The spongers were more cliquish and had stronger bonds with each other than with non-spongers.

  “So, just as you have human subcultures, we do as well, and I can attest to this personally as one of the spongers,” said the Dolphin proudly. “Just like you humans, we tend to associate with dolphins most like ourselves. We even have cliques for social reasons, since sponging is a solitary behavior and not needed for collaborative foraging.”

  Further information about dolphin intelligence was conveyed by science writer Meeri Kim: “Dolphins have long impressed people with their sharp minds and humanlike traits, such as calling each other by name, goofing off and even understanding numbers. Now a scientist has found that [they] can recognize an old friend’s whistle, even after they have been apart for 20 years—the longest social memory ever recorded for a non-human.”

  Kim continued: “This recorded feat of long-term memory puts dolphins in the same field as other highly intelligent creatures, including some monkeys and elephants, both of which have been known to recognize unrelated members of their species after time apart.”

  More jaw-dropping by millions of human watchers. Many had long known that dolphins are unusually smart for a subhuman animal, but this was something else again.

  The Dolphin felt his message was getting through and decided to tap into this rising respect, by inviting a special c
ompassion action. Since he was a member of the TRIAD, he had more leeway than the other species to present his point of view.

  “Humans, a terrible situation has developed with Mexican and other nations’ boats that are fishing for tuna with huge ground nets. We feel deep sympathy with our tuna friends and find ourselves fortunate that humans have not developed such a taste for our flesh. However, these nets are catching many of us along with the tuna. The fishermen haul in the tuna, which the Japanese pay hundreds of dollars per pound for, and let us dolphins go drown in the nets. Many thousands of us have drowned entangled in this way. Dolphins, unless seriously injured, never drown; we know how to swim. Since you Americans have a law prohibiting such wanton destruction and protect our species, can’t you do something with these other nations? Connect your intelligence with ours for the sake of animaltarian values and ecological balance in the oceans.

  “A last observation. Humans are talking a lot about BIG DATA these days with massive exponential data flowing from computer technology. Your NSA (National Security Agency) admits it can hardly process one percent of the data, so they are working on pattern detections. Maybe you should look to animals as you try to fathom how to establish this form of recognition.

  “We animals have remarkable ways to ignore and filter through nature’s messages. Elephants can communicate with each other miles away with high-frequency language humans cannot hear with their ears. Elephants can even distinguish whether a human voice is that of a man or woman or child while moths can sense one another’s presence from long distances. The members of the animal kingdom filter in just what they need in a welter of ‘BIG DATA’ called nature. You would be wise to find ways to use only information you need in a welter of BIG DATA, compiled by your sensors and computers. Otherwise you will be flooded with so much data as to be suffocated and rendered inert, much as a paramecium is gagged by its own exudations. Watch the big cats or the sharks or the whales or the dolphins process just the information needed for their purposes. They teach all a lesson that less is more.”